The Middle Path of Montessori

As a Montessori teacher, I have for years heard two presumptions about this educational method from those who know a little about it, but not a lot: "Montessori is really structured, isn't it?" and "Montessori? That's not very structured, right? Kids just get to do whatever." These dualistic opinions have often puzzled me, and it is only after reading a great book called The Genius in Every Child: Encouraging Character, Curiosity, and Creativity in Children by Rick Ackerly, that I finally have come to understand why people -- usually, parents with children new to Montessori -- think one way or the other. Ackerly -- although not a Montessorian -- writes from the perspective of a longtime educator and father about his experiences with students, their parents, and his own children in a way that resonates with the Montessori approach. He makes a key distinction between guiding students and leading them, the former being superior to the latter. His writing is very succinct, humorous, and insightful about the ways in which education can develop the "genius" alive in each student by encouraging responsibility, honoring uniqueness, caring for the "whole child", and engaging the will rather than expecting mastery. 

1. Responsibility. Ackerly adeptly shares anecdotes which illustrate his evolving understanding of a life's work in education. One of the key points he makes is that children need to be trusted with responsibility. Parents and teachers, he cautions, "can take that enthusiasm for learning away from them if (a) we care more about it than they do, (b) we get worried about their success, (c) we make them give up play (which is a child's right), and (d) if we turn their parents into teachers" (6). One of the main tenets of Montessori education is the presentation of a carefully prepared environment (of both hands-on materials and curriculum in the form of key lessons) that encourages and supports what Maria Montessori called "auto-education". She believed that children have within them the will to pursue their own development, to ask questions, and to challenge the boundaries of reality. This is in stark contrast to the ideology of John Dewey, the father of contemporary public education, whose approach was modeled on the assembly line in the early days of the Industrial Age. That is not the world we live in now, and Maria Montessori had the foresight over a century ago to see children as they were and to help them develop as human beings in relation to the world. Students show their interests, teachers give them lessons on math concepts or parts or speech or kingdoms of life, and the community of learners go as deeply into their studies as they wish.

Ackerly clarifies the term "genius" in his book as "the teacher within... the you that is becoming" (ix).  "Another manifestation of genius is character, and ... to the Greeks kharakter was the imprint that the gods put on the soul at birth. Educating is creating conditions in which the character that is your child becomes what he or she is supposed to become" (38). This reminds me of the aphorism at my school, which hangs above the entrance: "I am becoming..." The verb tense of that statement underlines that the present moment -- not the past, not the unknown future -- is the source of character, curiosity, and creativity in the learner. Another tenet of Montessori education is that it takes place within a mixed-age three-year cycle, whereby two-thirds of the class returns each fall and younger students work with older mentors to understand their environment and studies. Some people ask about the role of the teacher in a 1st through 3rd grade classroom, and it is one of the main reasons that I enjoy my work so much. The teacher (or, as Montessori called her, "guide") is as active as necessary and as invisible as possible. An effective Montessorian observes the children -- not only their intellectual pursuits, but their physical habits, their interactions with one another, their wonder at nature and beauty, and the ways in which they react emotionally throughout the day. Montessori teachers walk a fine line, being careful not to interrupt a child in a state of flow and asking questions only when a need arises. Ackerly strongly suggests that parents honor their role in their child's life with the reminder that "children need teachers at school and parents at home" (7). He comments on the trend of "helicopter parenting": "Hovering is perhaps normal these days, but it often unknowingly stifles, inhibits, and in many ways is counterproductive to the discovery and development of a child's genius" (13). 

Ackerly also addresses the subject of responsibility in terms of a child's social behavior. In the past ten years, I have had many different kinds of interactions with parents, most of them very supportive and understanding. Parents want their child to succeed, of course, and sometimes this becomes an extreme desire to prevent anything bad from ever happening to their child. Sometimes, parents take on their child's social or emotional issues and project hostility toward a teacher. Ackerly, himself an educator and a father, reminds parents: "If you care more about it than they do, you absolve them of responsibility... Support them in the lifelong challenge of harmonizing their needs, drives, and interests with those of others" (34). Far from sparing a child from growing emotionally through a struggle, he states that in educating a child's character, "Nothing succeeds like taking responsibility. Nothing succeeds like failure. Failure is at least as powerful an educator as success" (48). If a parent reacts with anxiety and anger when the child experiences a challenge, the child learns that s/he is not trusted to handle his/her emotions and social interactions. The parent behaves as if the child is in constant need of saving. The best parent-teacher-student relationships I have experienced over the years have consisted of respectful communication between the adults about the child's learning life. Ackerly advises that "our children need to be noticed more and analyzed less, delighted in more than worried over, challenged more than protected, not so much made to be good as taught to be good at being themselves (40). One of my favorite suggestions is to "act as if you are the variable (and your child and everyone else are the constant)." Complaining or blaming are less useful than taking responsibility for oneself and becoming comfortable with adapting to the many aspects of life we cannot control.

2. Uniqueness and the Whole Child. Many contemporary educational models claim to be "holistic" in their interdisciplinary approaches. Montessori education values a rich and wide array of academics and extends its "holistic" approach to place intellectual development on the same level of importance as a child's emotional, social, spiritual, and physical development. Ackerly echoes this belief when he writes that "everything a child does occurs in an intellectual, social, emotional, and spiritual context... the primary determinant of how and what the child learns" (23). Of course, school is a place to learn -- just not simply about history, chemistry, phonics, and fractions. School is a place to learn about oneself and others -- other people, other places, and other ideas. When a child is learning, s/he enters a wonderful state where s/he is intimate with study and peaceful in his/her curiosity about it. That moment is crucial and should not be interrupted, even by an adult's admiration -- which Maria Montessori cautioned her guides to restrain. Ackery agrees: "When your child shows you a piece of work, it is undisciplined to say: 'My, how smart you are.' Much better for us to think of something new like: 'Oh, good, I can see you have been practicing,' or 'Did you work hard on it?'" (30). In my class, I strive to use value-less language or to ask questions, rather than to give approval or disapproval, because the child's work belongs to him/her and is special. It should have nothing to do with anyone else's opinion, which can easily influence children's self-esteem. 

Ackerly calls this curious and engaged state of learning "greatness (which) can never be achieved when comparison is involved. If you look over your shoulder to see if there is a person gaining on you, someone will. Fear will kick in, you will become more self-conscious, and the greatness that you are will fade -- and with it, the quality of your work" (157). Some people ask how children can avoid comparison with others, especially in a mixed-age classroom where the disparity between a six-year-old and an eight- or nine-year-old becomes evident. I often reply that, because students work collaboratively and stay in the same community for three years, there are hundreds of opportunities for children to notice uniqueness and appreciate each individual's struggles toward ability. Students in my classroom are incredibly compassionate and  enjoy gathering for weekly "class meetings" to share aloud their observations about one another, such as "I noticed that Zach was careful with his handwriting," or "I noticed that Sreya was helpful when the pencil tray spilled." Montessori education supports a child's own pace in learning. Self-correcting materials -- such as word study cards or the Stamp Game -- show a child his/her error without judgment. Each child's uniqueness is honored, through the "genius" design of Montessori's concrete materials. A child can revisit the Checkerboard as many times as needed until s/he comprehends advanced multiplication. A child need not be constrained to a single grade curriculum if s/he demonstrates understanding by using the materials. 

3. Engagement, Not Mastery. A school principal for many decades, Ackerly addresses some common parental concerns about their children's learning: "One of the important dimensions of education that the 'back to basics' people and the No Child Left Behind project leave out ... is the prefrontal cortex. To function effectively in the world ... a person needs to use his or prefrontal cortex a lot. This part of the brain deals with complex problem solving, self-monitoring, and abstract thinking skills. It is required for flexibility of thought and the ability to hold and manipulate information in working memory" (84). Contemporary brain research concurs with the Montessori approach to engage these "executive functioning" skills -- which, coincidentally, are supported by increased independence, responsibility, self-awareness, and organization. Again, the design of the Montessori classroom and curriculum is so important for the training of this ability in children. The center of interest in a 6-9 classroom is called "Cosmic Curriculum," the stories from many cultures that address the coming of the Universe, the planets, and life on Earth. In addition to key lessons which the teacher gives in subjects such as chemistry, physics, and geology, students freely explore each of these curricular areas with beautiful and imaginative shelf work -- such as a wooden Bohr diagram for studying atomic structure, gravity experiments, and plate tectonic activities. 

Despite this abundance of creative material and opportunity, parents often worry that school is too easy or too hard for their child. A middle path between these extremes exists, and Ackerly observes that "IQ does not predict success. Neither do grades in school, nor scores on standardized achievement tests... One thing that does predict success, however, is the passionate pursuit of interests" (81). An engaged child is learning and enjoys learning. A nervous or stressed child cannot learn, because the amygdala inhibits brain electricity from crossing the midline when a person's emotions are elevated. Ackerly continues: "Parents can have a powerful role in maintaining this (a child's enthusiasm for learning), mostly by not getting worked up and anxious about their children's academic achievement... This can be very destructive (80). "Our children are on their own journey ... (and) need us to have confidence in them. If we lose confidence, it is our fears that are showing, not their weaknesses" (143). It is our responsibility to children to believe in them and not project our concerns or opinions onto them. 

What I finally understood about the aforementioned presumptions people often make about Montessori (being either too structured or not structured enough) is very simple: both of those extreme points of view reflect the person's relationship with the fine line, the middle path that is the Montessori Method. In reality, a Montessori classroom provides structure and encourages individual pacing and depth, honors uniqueness of the individual and respects the needs of the community, and engages student interests while adhering to (and often exceeding) the minimum requirements for learning (benchmarks). One of the main tenets of Montessori education is to "follow the child" -- an aphorism I selected for this educational blog, because it reminds me of my quiet role in remembering that, as Ackerly states, "the child knows". 

More Free Play, Less Pressure, and Fewer Screens

Cosmologist Brian Swimme's latest book Journey of the Universe explains about young people, that “what often occupies their consciousness is play. They leap and twist; they explore the world with their eyes; they taste the world with their mouths; they enter into many kinds of relationships out of sheer curiosity. With their play, they are discovering the exuberance of being alive.” (p. 85) This observation resounded with me during parent-teacher conferences, when several parents said that their children experienced a positive change when their lives were less managed and they were allowed more free time to play.

Parents often express concern over such issues as their child's academic progress, time management, motivation, and social behavior. There is a fine line between adult guidance of a child and imposition of will upon him/her. Maria Montessori identified a teacher’s purpose: "to aid life, leaving it free, however, to unfold itself." Some parents ask what they should do at home to reinforce expectations at school, whether they should withhold extracurricular activities such as swimming or at-home play until their child performs the desired behavior. My consistent suggestion is to support the child wherever s/he is in his/her development and to avoid adding any pressure in the manner of rewards and punishments. It is relieving to hear so many parents validate how this approach of loving support benefits children's confidence, independence, and internal motivation. (PLAY Brown's TED talk on the subject below!)

In my daily interactions with students over the past decade, I have observed that children respond to respect, guidance, honesty, and flexibility. Montessori famously said, "The prize and punishments are incentives toward unnatural or forced effort, and therefore we certainly cannot speak of the natural development of the child in connection with them." Parents experiment with approaches, and some try to externally motivate their child with points, purchases, even food – soon discovering that their child no longer cares as much about what they are learning as with the carrot at the end of the parental stick. External motivation nearly always backfires, engendering resentment in the heart of the child, who understands very quickly that s/he isn’t trusted with his/her own education.

The crucial impact of play on the emotional, social, and cognitive development of children is described in the 2009 book Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul by Stuart Brown. A medical doctor, psychiatrist, and clinical researcher, Brown discusses how experts “from every point of the scientific compass now know that play is a profound biological process… It shapes the brain and makes animals smarter and more adaptable… it fosters empathy and makes possible complex social groups. For us, play lies at the core of creativity and innovation.” (p. 4-5) Despite this fact, children in many families learn -- from example -- that play is valued less than work and that work life blurs into private time without consideration for our emotional and spiritual needs.

Brown explains, “At some point, as we get older… we are made to feel guilty for playing. We are told that it is unproductive, a waste of time… The play that remains is, like league sports, mostly very organized, rigid, and competitive… The beneficial effects of… true play can spread through our lives, actually making us more productive and happier in everything we do.” (p. 6-7) Brown identifies seven properties of play: 

• “apparently purposeless (done for its own sake),
• voluntary,
• inherent attraction,
• freedom from time, 
• diminished consciousness of self, 
• improvisational potential, 
• and continuation desire… 

We are fully in the moment, in the zone. We are experiencing what the psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihaly calls ‘flow’.” (p. 17) It is this flow that parents hope their children will experience when they send them to Montessori school, yet this same priority must also be consistently maintained at home. (PLAY Csikszentmihaly's TED talk below!)

Brown cites renowned Washington State University play researcher Jaak Panksepp, who has found that “active play selectively stimulates brain-derived neurotrophic factor (which stimulates nerve growth) in the amygdala (where emotions get processed) and the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex (where executive decisions are processed).” (p. 33) Just as author Richard Louv coined the phrase “nature deficit” in children lacking contract with the outdoors, Brown notes a “ play deficit much like the well-documented sleep deficit”. (p. 43) He warns that "the threat to play is even greater than it was a generation or more ago… Kids today are spending too much of their time on video games… and the parentally organized, high expectation trip to the soccer field at age six… Schools have evolved into assembly lines for high test scores, where skills are drilled… Something is lost – perhaps unfettered imagination and freedom.” (p. 79) Free play is nearly extinct, except in half-hour allotments of recess.

Brown asserts that “movement structures our knowledge of the world, space, time, and our relationship to others… Movement play lights up the brain and fosters learning, innovation, flexibility, adaptability, and resilience... which are required for the emergence of fluent human language.” Especially relevant to Montessori classrooms, Brown describes how “object play with the hands creates a brain that is better suited for understanding and solving problems of all sorts.” Imaginative play “remains the key to emotional resilience and creativity… developing empathy, understanding, and trust of others, as well as personal coping skills.” (p. 84-87) For many students, their school day begins at seven in the morning and ends at six in the evening with after-school care. Many have multiple evening and weekend "enrichment" activities, with very little free play time for themselves. As I have seen on many occasions that children seem afraid of nature and don't know how to enter it nor enjoy its wonder.

“We may think we are helping to prepare our kids for the future when we organize all their time, when we continually ferry them from one adult-organized, adult-regulated activity to another," Brown suggests. "In fact, we may be taking from them the time they need to discover for themselves their most vital talents and knowledge… access to an inner motivation for an activity that will later blossom into a motive force of life.” Not long ago, Brown reminds us, “self-organized play was all kids did” and warns that if children are deprived of free play, “they will find their own new ways of asserting their own community, socialization patterns, and individuality… creating their own private play zone where they … socialize freely.” (p. 105-108). Brown points to the advent of texting, juvenile cell phone use, and online communities as examples of the new locations of children's privacy, in the absence of a back wood. Children are often left to their own devices, literally: an iPad, Wii, or YouTube. 

Screen play concerns Brown because it can “isolate people from real-world, human interactions that are an essential part of psychological health… The storyline is set by the box, and the kids are now merely along for the ride, motionless and mute… In the real world, the kind of emotional arousal that these screens and games produce is discharged through physical activity” without which “kids can become antsy and unfocused”. Screen play neglects “a deep human need to interact with the material world: to feel the tug of gravity, to physically move through the dimensions of space and time, to feel the physical resistance of solid objects.” Applicable to Montessori classrooms, Brown notes that “the use of the hands to manipulate three-dimensional objects is an essential part of brain development.” (p. 183-185) From a century ago, Montessori echoes Brown: "Movement, or physical activity, is thus an essential factor in intellectual growth, which depends upon the impressions received from outside. Through movement we come in contact with external reality, and it is through these contacts that we eventually acquire abstract ideas."

Montessori's observation -- that “work normalizes the child” – is also Brown’s advice: “The quality that work and play have in common is creativity. In both we are building our world, creating new relationships… Play is called recreation because it makes us new again.” It is “nature’s greatest tool for creating new neural networks and for reconciling cognitive difficulties.” (p. 127-128) So many Montessori materials appear to children as learning games: the stamp game, the checkerboard, the test tubes. Montessori students view education as play, because materials are ordered, thoughtful, beautiful, tactile, and fun!

Still, parents worry that their child may somehow fall behind others. Many parents show interest in test scores and would like to know where their child places amongst his/her peers. Quantitative, competitive measures are incompatible with the Montessori philosophy that each child grows at his/her own rate, learns by using  concrete materials, and values emotional and spiritual development as much as intellectual or social behavior. The latter two are easily determined, while the former involve understanding of and compassion for a child's uniqueness. Montessori believed that "when dealing with children, there is greater need for observing than of probing." 

No child will be left behind when each child is respected. Brown reminds us that “people reach the highest levels of a discipline because they are driven by love, by fun, by play.” (p. 143) Chore charts and stars have no place in a respectful relationship between child and adult. Brown adds, “The acquisition of good grades or a big bonus, if not connected to the heart of life, is dispiriting, even if accolades accrue.” (p. 145) Seeking parental approval is on par with fear of parent disappointment. I am so proud to work at a school that provides open, proactive communication with parents, as well as vivid, qualitative narratives to describe a child better than any number or letter. 

Brown's advice to parents is succinct: more free play, less pressure, fewer screens. “Nature, with all its novelties and the play emotions stirred by its wonders, gets through to kids if the immersion can be tailored to fit their temperament and natural curiosity.” (p. 204) Parents are amazed to see their child's temperament, interests, self-esteem, and joy after an hour of free time in an open field. Children have the rest of their lives to live like adults; they only have one childhood. Let them go outside!

Mindfulness & Montessori

Recently, I watched a TED MED talk that sparked my interest, featuring Dr. Daniel Siegel and actress Goldie Hawn -- whose Hawn Foundation has studied the effects of mindfulness practices on students in the United States, the UK, and Canada. At first, I was struck by the intentionality and vast amount of science behind the Hawn Foundation’s research. Later, I realized that its MindUP program aligned closely with Maria Montessori’s philosophy as well as lessons in peace education and practical life in the Montessori lower elementary classroom. Recently, I read and would like to share highlights from Hawn’s book 10 Mindful Minutes: Giving Our Children – and Ourselves – the Social and Emotional Skills to Reduce Stress and Anxiety for Healthier, Happier Lives. (PLAY their TED MED video below!)

The MindUp program is based on scientific research into mindfulness practices that develop social and emotional intelligence. It accomplishes this through training attention, strengthening the mind, creating empathy and compassion, and engaging the senses to develop the 3 Rs beyond writing, reading, and ‘rithmetic: reflection, relationships, and resilience. Dr. Siegel refers to the term “mindsight” as “the process by which we can learn how to focus our attention on the internal world of the mind in a way that will literally change the wiring and architecture of the brain” (xiv). This kind of “heart-mind education” informs students about the parts and functions of the brain – such as the Wise Old Owl of the prefrontal cortex and the barking dog of the amygdala (p. 59) – as well as demonstrating effects on the brain of practices such as breathing breaks, generosity (what we call in my classroom “helping works”), use of the senses, and positive cognition and communication.

A University of British Columbia scientist found results of mindfulness that include better reading scores, reduced aggression, increased concentration and attention, a higher degree of listening skills, and improved management of stress (xxvi). Peers often rate students engaged in mindfulness practices as kind, trustworthy, and helpful. Scientists also note that higher levels of cortisol (a hormone released during distress) interfere with memory recall. Working memory is also impaired by “mental restlessness” and “relentless stimuli” (p. 21), visual input composing about 80% of what children take in through their senses in the modern world. 10 Mindful Minutes offers many amazing suggestions for teachers and parents to engage children with their senses through mindfulness “games”. Many activities suggested in the book mirror long-standing lessons in the Montessori 6-9 classroom, such as a mystery bag and Who Am I? games (for mindful listening or seeing), the use of scented oils (introduced at the 3-6 level) for mindful smelling, and classification of tastes and flavors very similar to those used in living/non-living biology lessons.

The practice of mindfulness is as central to the Montessori method as are the materials and lessons which materialize the abstract. Those new to Montessori often ask about its regard for the whole child – considering physical, emotional, social, and spiritual needs as well as intellectual. Montessori respected the life of the child so much that she flipped conventional thinking around educational practices, classroom power dynamics, a prepared environment honoring beauty and order, appreciation for varied paces of learning, and the need to do for oneself and participate in community with others. The National Academy of Sciences reports that three minutes of mindfulness practice per day (p. 67) produces positive change in focus, observation, and relaxation as well as decreased stress, reactive emotions, and illness. The amount of time is less important than the frequency and repetition of such calming activities, which build new neural pathways (p. 37) and create new social and emotional habits. 

This fall, I introduced to my students during our movement class an exercise called Yin Yoga, which involves deepening certain stretches for three or more minutes. The benefits of such practice are physical, emotional, and spiritual: ligaments learn to stretch through endurance  and breathing, feelings come and go as the mind counts upwards to 180 (the number of seconds in three minutes), and peace and relaxation set in as one lets go of a desire for control. I explained to my students that one meaning of the word yin is “acceptance,” while its counter yang can mean “action”. Yin practices – such as yoga, sensory perception, compassion, and mindfulness – strengthen the body, mind, and spirit. 


I noticed a link between the book’s study of “mindful movement” to the Montessori philosophy, which advocates honoring the child through “purposeful movement” (p. 97). Current brain research shows that dopamine, the hormone released during physical exercise, improves memory, optimism, problem-solving, and cognition. It also reduces discomfort, grows new brain cells, and is present not only in exercise but also (as shown through neuro-imaging in MRIs) through positive thinking (pp. 95, 106). The positive effects of dopamine are doubled when a person reflects on a memory of physical movement, use of one’s senses, or a time s/he felt happy (p. 118). I see this also when we use our outdoor fabric labyrinth, a place where children take their time, become centered, and experience peace.  

The relationship between the scientific findings in 10 Mindful Minutes and curriculum planned by Maria Montessori over a century ago speaks also to the value of altruism. Maria Montessori observed the child, watching his/her behaviors for insights into the best practices for the child’s self-education. Montessori observed that the child learns best with his/her hands touching and manipulating beautiful, natural, ordered materials. Montessori observed that the child learns best in concert with others of a mixed-age range -- by learning from others’ actions, practicing and training the body’s movements and the brain’s comprehension, then modeling skills to others. Montessori observed that the child learns best when all of his/her senses are engaged, when s/he is encouraged to work at a personal rate in an environment that encourages self-sufficiency. A Cornell University study reports that helping others increases energy, self-esteem, and a sense of mastery in one’s life (p. 179). Helping also “activates personal initiative, stimulates curiosity, encourages exploration… and increases happiness” (p.183) – characteristics which are present daily in the life of children in our Montessori 6-9 classrooms.

Unconditional Parenting & Montessori

In reading Alfie Kohn's 2005 book Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason, some passages have given me pause to reflect:

"We might say that discipline doesn't always help kids to become self-disciplined... There's a big difference, after all, between a child who does something because he or she believes it's the right thing to do and one who does it out of a sense of compulsion... if we place a premium on obedience at home, we may end up producing kids who go along with what they're told to do by people outside the home, too." (pp. 6-7)

Kohn discusses BF Skinner and Behaviorism, a tendency to focus solely on actions and not on the feelings nor thoughts behind them.  Montessori philosophy encourages self-discipline.  Teachers act as guides, respecting the child through use of inquiry in three-part lessons and discussion in groups.  Students engage with questions rather than parrot anticipated answers.  Through problem-solving and reading literature related to social skills, students give suggestions for finding peaceful solutions to problems. It is often helpful to ask a child a question and let him/her find an answer rather than making unsolicited demands or nagging.

"Perhaps you've met (adults) who force ... children to apologize after doing something hurtful or mean... So (they) assume that making children speak this sentence will magically produce in them the feeling of being sorry, despite all evidence to the contrary?... Compulsory apologies mostly train children to say things they don't mean -- that is, to lie." (p. 14)

A few years ago, a precocious student had a rough time respecting my assistant.  I spoke with the child after an unpleasant event between them and listened to his side of the story. I then tried to facilitate peace by asking him to apologize to my assistant, either in verbal or written form.  He said that he could apologize to her, but he wouldn't mean it.  I asked if he could consider ways in which he could be more respectful to her, instead.  He came up with many ideas, none of which involved pretending he was sorry when he wasn't.

Kohn quotes noted psychologists Richard Ryan and Edward Deci (also quoted by Daniel Pink in Drive) asserting that "children are born not only with certain basic needs, including a need to have some say over their own lives, but also with the ability to make decisions in a way that meets their needs", what Ryan and Deci term "a gyroscope of natural self regulation" which can be undermined by guilt, needless interference, physical force, criticism, and even praise: "a heavy handed (adult) does nothing to promote, and actually may undermine, children's moral development.  Those who are pressured to do as they're told are unlikely to think through ethical dilemmas for themselves" (pp. 58-59).  Lack of self-regulation also impacts, Kohn observes, personal health choices, social relations, interests, commitments, and acquisition of learning.  Alternatives are for adults to exercise restraint in interactions with children, remember to respect children as people, ask questions rather than make assumptions, separate emotional reactions from the child's will, and say "I notice" when observing behaviors rather than ascribing a positive or negative judgment.

One of the contentious suggestions that Kohn makes in this book and some of his others is that grading negatively impacts students.  He cites studies that demonstrate this and claims that "the more a child is thinking about grades, the more likely it is that his or her natural curiosity about the world will start to evaporate" (p. 80).

After hearing Kohn speak last fall, I shared some of his ideas with the students in my class at a class meeting, a democratic gathering where topics and suggestions are discussed.  I had noticed that when math fact and spelling tests were handed back for correction with a numeric grade on the paper, students compared themselves to one another, some bragging and some feeling disappointed in their abilities.  Some adults feel that competition is a natural part of life "in the real world" that children will eventually have to face, and while I agree with that unfortunate fact, I do not feel that grades as such need to be transparent to students.  I suggested a trial period where grades would be recorded by me but not shown on the paper, only the grammatical and mechanical corrections.  That was six months ago, and no one has complained about their absence.  In fact, I have noticed that students are less self-aware and more confident when given these protective options.  Our school reports S and S+ "marks" at the 6-9 level with extensive narrative descriptions that many contemporary education researchers advocate, as well.

Kohn offers some guiding principles for expressing unconditional love by avoiding rewards and punishments, which include keeping your eye on long-term goals, talking less and asking more, attributing to children the best possible motive consistent with the facts, saying yes more than saying no, and avoiding rigidity and hurrying a child according to your needs (p. 119-120).  Sometimes, we adults who have become accustomed to our own schedules expect the world to know our timetable and are flummoxed when traffic does not stop for us.  Plan ahead and know your child so that you can help him/her instead of asking for frequent adaptation to your expectations. This means avoiding over-planning and making sure, whenever possible, that your child's needs come first. For example, a child told me recently that he hadn't slept well the night before, and the reason he was late to school was that his mom let him sleep in so he would be alert.  I applaud this parent for thinking of her child's needs.  One of the most salient suggestions Kohn offers are three questions for adults to ask themselves regarding their speech and actions with children (and it also applies to our interactions with adults): why am I asking this, is it necessary, and how will the other person receive it (p. 158-160)?

Montessori education -- which provides a prepared, sequential, and orderly scope and sequence of curriculum -- gives students a range of choices for their auto-education.  We guides give lessons, yet much of the learning that happens in our classrooms occurs through the materials teaching the students as frequently as needed for absorption and as rarely as needed after abstraction.  Materials make great guides, because they do not praise nor punish, but simply offer a control of error, another of Maria Montessori's amazing insights over a century ago.  Autonomy does not mean independence but volition, and children are more willing and eager in situations where they feel they have choice.

As Kohn notes, "when teachers give their students more choice about what they're doing... the advantages include greater perceived competence, higher intrinsic motivation, more positive emotionality, enhanced creativity, a preference for optimal challenge over easy success, greater persistence in school, greater conceptual understanding, and better academic performance" (p. 169).  That is, after all, what every teacher wants for her students, what every parent wants for his child, and what every student wants for him/herself.